Very Drunk Old Woman

A very drunk elderly lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

“Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.”

The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

“Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy”,

again the bartender brought her a Martini.

By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on.

She called,

“Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said,

“Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your t!ts are hanging in the ashtray.”